A quirky experience

Hello all,

I haven't really posted anything until now, but after having read some of the posts, I have decided to ask advice on an event which happened to me at age 19, approximately five years ago.

Some background information about me: I grew up in the central Midwest United States and attended a private protestant christian school until 8th grade (yes, the fundamentalist kind). However, I was always skeptical of the school's teachings and religion in general, even at a young age. I ignored the concept of anything that wasn't right in front of my eyes until college, though I did enjoy reading fantasy novels. The event which caused me to embark on study of the occult occurred my first year of college.

I had moved out of my parent's house some months before to live on my own. I had a number of friends, one of which was my older brother, who I hung out with regularly. My brother at this time was 22, and had his own house. He was, at that time, working through some psychological issues which he self-medicated using marijuana. One night, my brother threw a house party which I attended. My only experience with any chemical substance before this was light drinking on two occasions. My brother and his friends convinced me to try pot. I was young and dumb, but I thought I should at least give it a shot. I did not have the reaction that most people had.

At first, (maybe about 20 minutes) I felt what I later realized was the feeling of being high. After that, I began to feel odd. I had massive tremors throughout my body, and went through a minor panic attack. I remember clearly being placed in my brother's bed by my cousin. He later told me that I had been speaking some sort of gibberish for roughly two hours as I lay there, causing him to be filled with a sense of dread. I, on the other hand, only remember experiencing an intense vision. I was bereft of my body and drawn into a dark void. A flaming red eye appeared to me in this void and spoke to me, though I cannot remember anything it said.

after coming back to my senses, I remember feeling incredibly different. As if my body was not my own. I recall standing (though seemingly not of my own volition) and walking to another room. For some reason, I felt the intense desire to kill someone...anyone. I even think I found a knife somewhere and gripped it. I was stopped though after by catching a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I stared at my own reflection until I saw my reflection's eyes move to the center of its forehead and merge into one. After this, I think I passed out cold. I hear tell I wandered around and talked to some people before doing so, but I don't remember it.

For the next few months after this incident, if I looked into the mirror for too long, I would catch a glimpse of the one eyed version of myself. After that, I swore off any type of mind altering substance (pretty easy seeing as how I didn't do any of it before..though my 21st birthday was rather dull as a result). I have since smoked pot with no similar experiences whatsoever. Another consideration which may be useful to those who read this: the house my brother lived in was previously inhabited by an older couple who professed to be mormons. My family inspected the house prior to buying it, and the garage was filled with (somewhat mysterious to me at the time) mystical objects, vials, alchemical equipment, etc. I have since moved into the house with my brother, and strange things do seem to happen here, at least around me (curtains opening and closing, CD's exploding in my CD drive, things disappearing/breaking easily, unknown smells, animals acting strangely when brought inside, etc.).

I have been studying occult concepts for about two years now (after psychological analysis proved unsatisfactory), primarily gnosticism and other western traditions. I have my theories as to what happened, but I'd enjoy fresh perceptions.

Thanks in advance for any insights.

Sounds pretty profound.

I can say that if the paraphernalia in the garage belonged to the couple there before you, they weren't practicing Mormons. If they were practicing LDS, I'm surprised they didn't toss all of it before you moved in, but stranger things have happened. The LDS religion is actually highly incompatible with the occult if you practice it as written, "confessions" of "ex-Mormons" aside. The LDS get a lot of bad press, but most of it is only partially true, with the rest taken out of context and proportion. I've always believed in studying what a group actually believes as opposed to what other people tell me they believe.

I'm not sure what can be said of the rest - my experience with the occult is really just starting - if it can be said to exist at all beyond the DigiMob - but I'm certain others have some insights for you. This is a really great community for these kinds of things - we're honest students of the occult, not fantasy players. Which isn't to say we never indulge in fantasy; we just don't confuse the two.

- Sendoshin

My family inspected the house prior to buying it, and the garage was filled with (somewhat mysterious to me at the time) mystical objects, vials, alchemical equipment, etc.

Do you know what any of the "mystical objects" were? How did your (conservative Christian?) family differentiate between "alchemical equipment" and "chemistry equipment"? I don't mean to grill you or anything, but this seems a little strange to me. If you think there could be a connection, more information might be useful.

I've heard that some mormons dabble in the occult, but the two are not overtly connected except (arguably, tenuously) in some of their temple rituals. That is, a mormon dabbling in the occult would have to be doing so without the general knowledge of his/her peers. On the other hand, an occultist fearing persecution in a highly conservative community could conceivably pay lip service to some local religion (if they didn't have the good sense to just shut up entirely or if they felt like living out some kind of conspiracy theory fantasy).

Anyway, it's not unheard of for people to go a bit loopy on weed. I've known a number of cases of what might be called "temporary psychosis" and one case where it seemed to push someone with a pre-existing issue over the edge in a more permanent way (even in the cases of people with pre-existing issues, though, I think this only happens when it's laced with something else or is extra-ridiculously strong). What I mean to say is that even if there were practicing occultists there, it is not necessarily linked to anything they might have done. And even if there is a link between the two, it is also partly something peculiar to you if it did not happen to other people.

I appreciate your willingness to share, though. This sounds like quite a harrowing experience. Best of luck figuring all this out, and hopefully someone here will say something you find useful!

Another old thread, but some things came to mind.

The founder of Mormonism was Joseph Smith. He was also a Free Mason. The man who founded Jehovah Witnesses was also a Free Mason. When you are dealing with the 'occult' you need to be careful with your distinction on what is 'evil' and what is 'good'. There are many occult teachings even within contemporary Christianity as well, but many people are not aware of this. The alchemical books and stuff you might have found probably dealt with the Mormons interest in spiritual pursuits. If you ever get a chance to read up on the secret socities, such as the Rosicrucian's actually hid all of their 'spiritual' beliefs and rituals within alchemical manuals and text. They did this because the church at the time was in power and was blacklisting any esoteric doctrine that wasn't there own. Essentially looking to be the middle man between God and man, so to speak. The mormons may have been studying these texts for 'self-mastery' and 'self-enlightenment'.

As for your experience, I would ask what kind of person are you? Deep down are you a sinister person? Do you believe that there is a supreme good? Or is your mind stuck within duality?