please halp?

hi there. i haven't really introduced myself yet. i'm Mike.
and that's really all there is to say about that.


i could make small talk but i won't. tonight is just an example of how crazy things have been for me lately. i'm not sure if it's a sign that everyone's experiencing or not, but the frequency of these events have been more prevalent as of late and i feel like this of itself is a pressing matter to discuss, at least in the event that i somehow receive some type of advice where none is prevalent here... :/


Firstly, i'm not that deep in the occult, i come here with the idea of fruition of knowledge and nothing more. this is definitely in conjunction with current predicaments included, and that i am not entirely ashamed to admit or whatever.

Car door locks. have they ever gone off around you? it's past four thirty in the morning, i know it's not a trick, but i feel like this is just an example of how weird things are actually becoming. a car randomly began locking it's doors around me, one i have never ridden in or have any connection with. when i approached it, it stopped. normally i wouldn't think anything about it but my friends keep coming towards me with some idea that there's a 'negative' energy between us. but i highly doubt i am a shitty friend, though it may have some bearing i have always ultimately settled my deeds and done well by others, i promise you.

i feel like this is a jealous behavior. my friends feel awkward around me. all things considered, i've also met a really awesome chick, and the only reason i even bring this up is because the conditions of weirdness, for lack of a better term, for which i endure have become incredibly overbearing as of recently and i believe this in itself may have something to do with that.

i'm worried that my personal demons may be real. and that they may, for every benefit in the vernacular credit that precedes a college education of zero, be the cause of my friends strange distrust in myself. and that i may have brought this all upon myself by means of understanding more than i could know.



and keep in mind, this is just an example of the umpteenth type. i'm worried, i guess what i'd really like is some type of solace or advice on the matter. this condition is affecting me beyond ever being comfortable. so. yeah, it's something i'd like to nip in the butt.

You need to get medical help if this is affecting your everyday life or if you have feelings of harming yourself or others.

From your writing, I get the feeling you're not 100% together. Avoid the occult.

i don't feel like injuring myself or others. i have in the past, but i have definitely considered keeping the peace to be important in these later years. and i apologize if i may come off as a little... off kilt, it has been difficult to find sleep lately, though i assure you my willpower is fairly weighty and can be used as a mallet for whatever fashion requires purpose.

i would also like to assure you in equal pertinence that the occult is not a very convenient answer to whatever i may or may not have involved myself in, though it has been there where nothing else was. it is an ends to a means, and not the other way around.

I do agree that you should avoid the Occult but not that you're crazy. It would be my opinion that you are lost and don't yet know yourself. You are afraid of the unknown and afraid of yourself and your fears are coming to life. Mostly because you don't know yourself you won't let others know you very well either and it puts on an air of dishonesty and disharmony that people want to avoid. Animals aren't the only creature that can sense a wrongness whether with others or the emotion another projects, and as for counseling like the other poster here said, It wouldn't help you anyway because you wouldn't listen to the counselor when face to face because it would make you feel both inadequate and ashamed to be there in the first place.

You need to do a little R&R without a beer or Jack Daniels, and find yourself. Think for awhile on why you feel so alone and what it is you hate about yourself and why. You will have an answer. Just go alone to a mirror and strip then look at yourself and figure out what you find repulsive about yourself. Stare into your own eyes and wonder for a minute what another sees when they look into them and why it scares the hell out of you then pisses you off when someone else looks very deeply into your life. Look into that mirror and you see not yourself but the stranger in front of you.

Don't get too depressed, you tried committing suicide before and wasn't successful and it scared the hell out of you to do so because you felt even that didn't work, then just learned to try to put on a good face for the world. you don't need to repeat that.

What you do need to do though is remember what you didn't like and get rid of it. Everything you check off that list will make you feel better about yourself, and little by little it will reflect in the real life you live for the world to see, but i'm sorry to say even then there will be many who remember and see only what they remember of you and most of it not what you want. Just ignore them because if a person doesn't grow with you they are only holding you back. When you get a house in bad shape you are proud of it and try to remove what you don't like and create what you do like. The same is true for yourself. You have to have a sense of pride that isn't false about yourself.

As you look into your eyes look at the things you don't like inside from your attitude down the line. Try seeing yourself how you want to be and it is what you will become. You have to project that image to yourself first though to make it reality. When it comes to negative energy however, whether you practice the occult or are just looking for yourself, what you believe surrounds you will surround you. if the lock snaps around you, snap your fingers and try to make it unlock. Try focusing your will to unlock it, focus on a dark energy leaving you and it returning to an unlocked state.  If you can't do so, then you probably didn't cause it. LOL not saying it's impossible because that event is very possible to happen through arcane means of energy amplification in a similar method to science's Tessla's Coil transferring energy. Only that it is unlikely.
Look up the Law of attraction and don't take it as a religious doctrine, but it will help you find yourself and make life feel alive.

Also, sorry if I posted too much of your viewing for others to read. I tried not to use personal details but you should understand.

I was on the same boat once upon a time kiddo, i avoided everyones telling me to go talk to someone or to avoid the occult. It turned out i needed someone to talk to, and im still practicing the occult. If you feel theyre your own personal demons then it probably is your own personal demons, your mind is probably playing tricks on you, you may have done something that is also causing or has unlocked within your psyche "supernatural" things to occur. You have to face your demons, write a journal and keep it to yourself everything you do, also keep a journal on your dreams they speak out to you of whats really happening within your mind. Try to meditate on things you have done that you feel guilty about and confess them to a shrink, know that its not your fault and everything will be ok.  Try to fight the negativity, every time you feel negative try to do something positive to overpower it and bring it to balance. Sounds like you need to balance your psyche out.
Also stay away from sorcery, practice more outer order practices if youre into that or white magic as some would say, if youre religious practice buddhism or if you're christian or catholic go to confession make friends with a priest i can go on all day about different religious orders, mainly practice good and youll eventually get out of this hole and understand why i'm telling you this.